The Diary of A Dog and A Cat - soooooo funnnyyyy

"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

- - -
 
"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"

Day 983 of my captivity.
 
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing
that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
 
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

  that was hilarious. Well thought of the author 

that was hilarious. Well thought of the author 

When I first read that, I laughed until I cried. Yet it reminds me of the positive/optimistic vs. negative/pessimistic mindset of some people. It just prove how important perception and point of view is.

When I first read that, I laughed until I cried.

Same here! Thanks, my sister would absolutely love this one.

that was so on point.  i have cats and i used to have a dog.  dogs are such simple dumb creatures that you can train.  cats on the other hand train u.  i have power struggles with my cats all the time.  i took my cat to the vet, because i was like she will not eat the new cat food. i was trying to budget so i bought some cheap cat food.  the veternarian told me, this is your pet and you make the rules.  i left the office feeling in charge.  needless to say the cat won, i went back to the more expensive pet food... cats are some complex little bluggers.

U know cats are totally independent animals. They can lick themselves clean. They can feed themselves by killing rats and stuff. And they totally don't give a sh*t about human beings. My friend had a cat that could just dissapear for days and come back when ever it wanted. The lady was always frustrated by it's behaviour. The cat on the other didn't give a damn!

I swear i once heard it giggle when my friend was busy chastising it 4 spending the weekend away from home.

I like the part of the joke where the cat explains the vomiting on the carpet & the headless rats...LMAO that's no joke, really happens! My sister had about 9 cats at home (3 generations) and the ALL were into vomiting and bringing in rats (we lived near a forest LMAO).

9 Cats Sabrina! I can barely cope with my one! I think if I had nine, they'd just have to STAY in the forest. The funniest thing has happened between my cat and dog. I had the dog first and then I got the cat 10 years later. Well, they mimic each other's behaviour. The cat wants to be petted all the time, while the dog sometimes doesn't want to be bothered. Also, the dog is now picky about what she will eat.

nine cats is a lot.  i have 2 and that's a lot, but they need each other, especially when I am unavailable.
my friend's mother, has a cat and a dog, and they hate each other normally.  When you call the cat's name, the dog comes also.  If you feed that cat you better feed the dog.  The dog is soooo jealous of the cat.  But one day, a bird got caught in the fireplace and they were like partners in crime.  They were trying to capture it.  It was so cute, because i had never seen them get along that well.

It's a bit of a long story really...see my sister and I found 2 kittens at the bus stop.  They were very skinny and one of them looked like it had only a few hours left to live because it was only bones. Back home if you want to get rid of your pet(s), you leave them at the bus stop for anyone else who might want them.

So we brought the kittens home and it was a joy to see them eat like they've never eaten before... 6 months later one fell "pregnant" and 2 weeks later the other one...

A few months later we had 8 cats (3 kittens from each of the 2 cats).  After we shifted to a new place - with the whole family - a stray kitten decided to join the fun! LMAO They all belonged to my sister, all 9 of them.  We now have 2 cats left of the same generation.

The others have successfully escaped "captivity".

When you call the cat's name, the dog comes also.

My last dog was the strangest/funniest ever - whenever I'd call one of my sister's cats (you know how they like to disappear once in a while ) my dog starts running around the place looking for the cat. He also knew me by name, LMAO and would go looking for me if my mum or sister called out to me.

He was part golden retriever and was really out to prove that.

nine cats is a lot.  i have 2 and that's a lot, but they need each other, especially when I am unavailable.
my friend's mother, has a cat and a dog, and they hate each other normally.  When you call the cat's name, the dog comes also.  If you feed that cat you better feed the dog.  The dog is soooo jealous of the cat.  But one day, a bird got caught in the fireplace and they were like partners in crime.  They were trying to capture it.  It was so cute, because i had never seen them get along that well.

Yeah. Prior to my dog losing her hearing (she's very old), Whenever I called the dog, the cat would come. They always at least taste each other's food, even when I give them the exact same thing. Yet, one can't do without the other.

Do cats respond to names??

U gotta excuse me, but i've never owned a cat. Um a dog person.

My favourite breed is probably the Boxer breed. Very dependable dogs, and hard as hell!! They are more 'reasonable' than Pit Bulls, yet are just as strong, (or almost as). Just in case u r interested check out the link below. U will luv em.

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/boxer.htm

Cats respond to their names only when they want to.  I had a cat that you use to play fetch, just like a dog...

Cats respond to their names only when they want to.

Ha! Exactly.

Do cats respond to names??

U gotta excuse me, but i've never owned a cat. Um a dog person.

My favourite breed is probably the Boxer breed. Very dependable dogs, and hard as hell!! They are more 'reasonable' than Pit Bulls, yet are just as strong, (or almost as). Just in case u r interested check out the link below. U will luv em.

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/boxer.htm

I'm a dog person too, my fave breed is the Bulldog...i.e. the more shorter form of the Boxer breed.