Married Black American Female/Chinese Male moving to China...

[meowi]

My husband told me that in 2 years he wants for us to relocate to China, Shandong Province.  I am scared to death by this, but I realize that I have married into his family and they really want us there, he really wants us there, sick of the United States.  We are waiting to have our first child before moving, because I told him that I want our child to be an American Citizen, but ofcourse he wants for them to be Chinese raised.  I don't have a problem with that. 

His family is very supportive of us and we will be living with his parents.  I feel a little awkward about this, but he says that it is the Chinese way.  He said that maybe after we are settled more we can move out on our own, but first we have to live with family.  I am such an independent woman, I am afraid of how much changing I will need to do to assimilate into this society!  I am already prepared for the staring.  We are stared at here in the U.S.  We are both tall individuals.  I won't be happy with anyone touching me, so I hope they will not, but I can accept the staring!  Also, my husband and I hold hands everywhere so I hope that will not be a problem, because that will never change. 

I am just curious as to how Asian/Black couples in general are received.  We have never had any problems here in the U.S.  I have had many Asian women tell me and my husband that I am beautiful and we have gotten special treatment and free food from Chinese male waiters who have told my husband that I am beautiful when we have eaten out, so I believe that we match well to Asians, but in China it may be different.  I don't know, but I want to look forward to the move.  My husband told me to prepare myself, because that is where our future will be.

Also, I am a makeup artist and hair stylist so I am wondering what type of business I can start there.  I also cook wonderful soul food.  My husband and I thought about an Asian/Soul fusion restaurant, but we really have to see what opportunities we'll have.  Maybe I'm rambling at this point, but any advice, information, expectation advice would be greatly appreciated. 

I want to be optimistic about this change, but also want to know the truth 

[Lord Phat]

First of all, let me congratulate you on your marriage. I wish you both the best and a lifetime of happiness.

Before I comment, are you living in a large city in Shandong like Qingdao or a smaller place like Jinan or the countryside? The experience will vary widely depending on the location. Also, in the cities you would likely have more foreigners, especially Africans, as clientele for your haircare business.

[NINJA ASSASSIN]

......first congratulations to you and your husband for proving that love has nothing to do with race.....but there is a but......iv lived in china long enough and visited most of their cities....i have black indian and white friends married or in relationships with chinese women.....but...i have never seen a chinese man married.... or in a relationship with a  black woman in china.....so...the biggest task of explaining your relationship to relatives n strangers ...will shift to your husband once you arrive  in china....as for business.....chinese are not very open to other races foods.....but if you happen to  live in a big city i think you can still do good business.....xpecially if u open a reastaurant using a name like amerian soul food....the chinese would try coz of the name... american.....as a hair stylists there are opportunities if you happen to live in a city with a good population of black female teachers and a few black men who spot dreadlocks.....living with the parents.....i cant say a word about how you will find it.....but am told the chinese parents act like the nanny and do all the house work.....so its a plus plus here....as for your .#...# i think it will be on the dlow.....coz they will be listening.....and most likely  you will all be living  in an apartment so bye bye privacy......why cant you guys rent your own place direct?.....its not expensive ......and you will atleast not be bored that quickly .....

[khabzela]

I think all that matters is that u've got urself a loving partner, with a supportive family. Cross cultural relationships tend to matter to people who don't matter - u know,.. people who stick their noses where they dont belong...

My concerns about raising kids in China is school. International schools here tend to be quite expensive. The Chinese schools are good but the setback is that they are entirely Chinese in their curriculum. There's always ways around these things anyway, so good luck!

[meowi]

First of all, let me congratulate you on your marriage. I wish you both the best and a lifetime of happiness.

Before I comment, are you living in a large city in Shandong like Qingdao or a smaller place like Jinan or the countryside? The experience will vary widely depending on the location. Also, in the cities you would likely have more foreigners, especially Africans, as clientele for your haircare business.

Thank you!!

We would be moving to Qingdao.  I hope that there are some foreigners in Qingdao.  His parents have said that they have seen more Blacks and Whites there for the past few years, which makes me excited!

[meowi]

......first congratulations to you and your husband for proving that love has nothing to do with race.....but there is a but......iv lived in china long enough and visited most of their cities....i have black indian and white friends married or in relationships with chinese women.....but...i have never seen a chinese man married.... or in a relationship with a  black woman in china.....so...the biggest task of explaining your relationship to relatives n strangers ...will shift to your husband once you arrive  in china....as for business.....chinese are not very open to other races foods.....but if you happen to  live in a big city i think you can still do good business.....xpecially if u open a reastaurant using a name like amerian soul food....the chinese would try coz of the name... american.....as a hair stylists there are opportunities if you happen to live in a city with a good population of black female teachers and a few black men who spot dreadlocks.....living with the parents.....i cant say a word about how you will find it.....but am told the chinese parents act like the nanny and do all the house work.....so its a plus plus here....as for your .#...# i think it will be on the dlow.....coz they will be listening.....and most likely  you will all be living  in an apartment so bye bye privacy......why cant you guys rent your own place direct?.....its not expensive ......and you will atleast not be bored that quickly .....

Thank you!  I thought about the food thing, my husband said that Chinese sometimes do not like trying new things outside of their comfort zone, so maybe the idea of putting American in front would help if went that route.  As for the hair styling, I see that I'll need to do as much research as possible.  I may not even be able to find out information on the foreign population until I get there, so we'll see what happens.

Well I wish we could live out on our own.  My husbands parents have a second apartment, but they are renting it out at the moment.  So he said that he wants for us to live with them at first and then down the road if we want we can get our own place.  Also, I told him about needing to speak my mind, so he realizes that I will not be making myself uncomfortable wherever I am.  So if I am not able to be myself there will be a problem!  We both want for the situation to workout so we will see. 

[meowi]

I think all that matters is that u've got urself a loving partner, with a supportive family. Cross cultural relationships tend to matter to people who don't matter - u know,.. people who stick their noses where they dont belong...

My concerns about raising kids in China is school. International schools here tend to be quite expensive. The Chinese schools are good but the setback is that they are entirely Chinese in their curriculum. There's always ways around these things anyway, so good luck!

Yeah, he says not to worry that the only thing that matters is him and his family loves me.  I guess that is the NY instinct coming out of me to be worried, because people can be crazy sometimes and do all sorts of things out of hatred and well I just feel like, you never know what can come from outside sources.  I will try to get negative thoughts out of my mind though and just hope for the best and be myself 

He said that he would like for them to learn the Chinese way, which I suppose isn't such a bad thing, but it will be my duty to make sure that they speak English and read and write in English if they aren't learning that in school. 

Also, if I have hair products and things shipped to China for myself, will they allow it through?  I hope so, because I doubt that they have certain hair products there.  I know that everything is not made in China 

Thanks for all of your responses here!

[blackinchina]

Hello! I am an African American woman living in China who us teaching at a university here. I wish you all the best. I am responding to your post based on my experience.
It is tradtional for Chinese to live with their parents. Many of my students want to get married and live with their parents. In general, I've noticed that Chinese families are very strong and supportive, friendships are also very close. However, that closeness and support comes with a loss of privacy and autonomy. People like to do everything "together". It is a collective versus an individualized society like the one we come from. As for hair, I keep mine's natural and you can bring hair products into the country. Depending on where you live, there may not be many black women. I am one of only two in the city I live in (about 9 million people). Research the schools thoroughly. Some of my post-graduate students have the education level of high school students in America. Beyond that, you will be stared at, the bathrooms in some public places are not what we are used to in terms of cleanliness, there is a lot of hawking and spitting but...China is a wonderful place to live in and experience. It is complex with a long history and many interesting places to see, and things to learn. In China, I have time and space which was lacking in the United States. People can be very, very kind. I love the food! Because I am surrounded by many small local farms, I don't have to shop at a health food market or organic food store to get really good, fresh produce, poultry and meat. Learning the language is also much easier once you are here. I wish you and your husband all the best. Cheers!

[cassell]

Haha Good to see a blackanese couple. BTW i am chinese